Emotional Well-Being and the “Sandwich Generation”
Julie arrived at her annual physical thinking about all the life changes she had experienced
since her last checkup. When her doctor entered the exam room and asked Julie how she was doing, she replied, “I don’t even know where to begin.” Julie explained that in the past year, her mother had passed away unexpectedly and she had taken over caring for her father, who was in declining health. She told about how she had to suddenly take responsibility for all the things her mother had previously done: taking her dad to his doctor’s appointments, managing his medications, and staying on top of his dietary needs. While grieving the loss of her mother, Julie had taken on a new role in life: caregiver.
Julie told her doctor that she was doing her best to juggle her new responsibilities with her career and motherhood. She said that she was thankful that her own children were in high school and could pretty much take care of themselves. But she also admitted that time spent with her dad was eating into her ability to do things like attend their extracurriculars or help with college applications. Julie said that her friendships, her exercise routine, and her hobbies had all been put on the back burner. She told her doctor that she was spread too thin, and that she was starting to have trouble sleeping, concentrating, and staying motivated to keep doing it all.
Julie’s experience is not uncommon in today’s society. Many folks are striving to balance the
needs of aging parents and children still at home, all while maintaining a career and
relationships with partners and friends. And this juggling act can take its toll. This “sandwich
generation” phase of life brings added stress and less time for self-care, which can set the stage for mental health concerns like anxiety and depression to creep in.
It’s completely normal for this phase of life to feel extremely overwhelming, but there’s a
difference between a healthy adjustment to stress and a maladaptive one. Are you a part of the sandwich generation and feeling like you’re struggling? It’s important to watch for red flags that normal stress is morphing into something more. Changes in mood, sleep, appetite, energy levels, concentration, and motivation are clues that you’re at risk for developing depression or anxiety. How is your functioning at work and in your personal life? Do you feel like you’re spinning your wheels on tasks that you used to complete easily? Is it hard to even get out of bed and face another day?
If you’re smack dab in the middle of this phase of life, and it’s starting to negatively affect your mental and emotional well-being, there are things you can do. It’s important to reach out instead of turning inward. After a long day of doing things for others, it can be tempting to hole up alone when you finally get a moment to yourself. Alone time is not bad; you need to rest and recharge, and doing solitary things that rejuvenate you is crucial. But seeking support from others is also vital. If you fear that friends and acquaintances won’t understand, or that you’ll burden them by sharing what you’re going through, try it. Almost half of Americans in their 40s and 50s are balancing care for both their aging parents and their children, so you’re likely to know someone who’s had a similar experience. And if you don’t, seek out support groups where you can connect with others who are caregiving across the generations. Check with local churches and community centers for in-person groups, or online for virtual ones. If you’re struggling and can't find support from peers, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist. They can help you navigate this difficult phase of life by giving you tools to manage the stress of it all. At Brentwood Counseling Associates, we have several therapists who work with adults going through the sandwich generation phase of life. If you’re struggling, let us help.
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