All humans have a basic need for safety and connection. People need to know they are valued and are safe in relationships with others. When a child's need for a trusted adult to provide comfort and connection is absent during the early stages of development, it has a more serious impact on the individual. During these vulnerable years, the nervous and social engagement systems are formed, creating patterns. A state of heightened awareness of potential threats begins to feel normal to the child and eventually, safety and human connection feel strange and threatening. Without the intentionality to change, these patterns will stay in place and the individual will gravitate towards what is familiar over what is healthy.
Lacking safety and/or connection from primary caregivers can result in complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD). Complex post-traumatic stress disorder can be the result of an ongoing traumatic experience, childhood abuse, long-term bullying, or physical/emotional neglect. It is sometimes referred to as developmental trauma. Pete Walker, LMFT, defines CPTSD as a learned set of responses and failure to complete developmental tasks due to a lack of nurturing during childhood (2013). A child who does not feel safe and secure often becomes an adult who is unable to feel safe in the world or trust others. The autonomic nervous system gets stuck in survival mode, and the child fails to develop a sense of self, advocate for personal needs, love and protect himself or herself, and establish healthy interpersonal skills (Bergstrom, 2019).
There are various symptoms of CPTSD, but five are most common—emotional flashbacks, toxic shame, self-abandonment, a vicious inner critic, and social anxiety (Walker, 2013). Emotional flashbacks are sudden and overwhelming feeling-state of abuse or abandonment that can include fear, shame, alienation, rage, grief, depression, etc. Toxic shame is felt as a continuous sense of worthlessness, self-loathing, disgust or humiliation which is generally rooted in parental contempt, neglect, or rejection. Self-abandonment mirrors the abandonment felt in childhood as a self-imposed unawareness or denial of oneself, emotions, needs, or preferences. Those who experience verbal abuse or severe criticism in childhood will likely form a vicious inner critic—an inner dialogue that berates, belittles, demands perfection, and fosters fear and shame. Social anxiety, a fear of not being accepted by others or being judged in public places, can make an individual preoccupied with people-pleasing and what others are thinking. Other symptoms can include extreme loneliness and abandonment, fragile self-esteem, attachment disorder, developmental arrests, relationship difficulties, mood swings, oversensitivity to stress, hair-triggered fight/flight response, or suicidal ideation (Walker, 2013).
The good news is that this is a learned response to one’s environment which can be unlearned (Walker, 2013). Because this condition was formed by a threatening or neglectful relationship, healing requires learning through healthy relationships. The therapeutic relationship provides a safe and secure space for those who have CPTSD to learn to trust others and acknowledge their own value. Through healthy relating, new neural pathways can be formed, allowing the world and trusted relationships to begin feeling familiar, comfortable, and safe again.
If you believe you may be experiencing CPTSD, please reach out to a therapist who works with this issue. You can call us at 615-377-1153 to connect with a therapist and schedule an appointment.
Resources
For more information on CPTSD, see the following links:
References
Bergstrom, J. (2019). Gifts from a challenging childhood: Creating a practice for
becoming your healthiest self. Mountain Stream Publishing Company.
Walker, P. (2013). Complex PTSD: From surviving to thriving. Azure Coyote.
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